


Circle of Life

by PolyjuicePrincess



Category: Glee
Genre: 3x14, Bullying, M/M, On My Way, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-11
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-16 23:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2288900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolyjuicePrincess/pseuds/PolyjuicePrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kurt blinked back at him, letting himself be open to one of the few who grasped how destructed he was feeling." </p>
<p>Set during On My Way (3x14) during the circle scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Circle of Life

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: Attempted Suicide, Self-Harm
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any publicly recognised content.

The auditorium was dark, with a few lights illuminating the stage where they sat. The Glee Club of McKinley High sat in a circle, all facing their director, Mr Schuester. Physically, Kurt sat in the relatively small circle, but mentally, he was worlds away. The news of Dave’s attempt had impacted on him far more than anyone seemed to think. It also made him reminiscent on his own experiences with dark, desolate places in his life, the times where the pit seemed endless and he wasn’t bothered to climb on his own. 

He brought himself back to the present as he locked eyes with Noah across the floor. Kurt seemed to be one of the few who’d been accepted to call him by his first name. The dark orbs that sought his knew what had happened, had been there, start to finish, and they softened now, asking if he needed to escape, be comforted or just be understood. Kurt blinked back at him, letting himself be open to one of the few who grasped how destructed he was feeling. 

Really, it had started as High School did. What started the catalyst hadn’t been the slushies, the dumpster throws, or being locked in toilet cubicles. It was the stares, the whispers, the awareness that he was _different_. It had seemed that everyone knew that he was gay before he really did. It was his voice, the way he dressed, the people he was actually friends, the few he had. Friends had been especially hard to come by. Some days, he’d asked himself if it was worth it, to keep going to a school where practically everyone hated you, or was at least disgusted by who you were, even if they didn’t know you. Really. 

Then, Mr Schuester, his spanish teacher, started a ‘Glee Club’. Sure, he’d heard of the concept, a group who sang and danced together, who performed together. Before that, there was only the group of overzealous music loners, himself included. He’d been creeped out by the instructor and it had almost put him off of music. So, he was righteously apprehensive about how well this club was going to turn out. At first, it really was a group of misfits and weird kids. But as it grew, Kurt surprisingly met new people, some who he’d thought would never glance, let alone become friends with, the likes of him. There were some firecrackers, like Santana and Tina, and some divas, like Rachel and Mercedes. And then there were some people who grew on him, like Puck and Brittany. 

Puck became a protector of the underdogs, even if it were for publicity or a girl. Finn tried, he really did, but he didn’t grasp how to work the population. 

 

Junior year brought many changes. The name David Karofsky became feared to Kurt. Sure, he knew that the bully would never do any serious issues, that he was just using unconventional and dangerous means to understand himself, but he let himself fear, because it took his mind off the chaos of Glee Club, the intricate relationship that was building between his dad and Carole Hudson. 

 

Then, one outwardly normal Thursday, he received the first of many heartbreaking announcements. It had been in the middle of a Glee Club rehearsal, one where nothing special was happening and people were just chatting or playing around. Kurt had been waiting in trepidation since lunch, when he’d received a text from his cousin Hunter, a simple _‘Love you K.‘_ He’d tried calling and texting him back but none of the messages had gone through or been answered. 

 Though currently, he’d been messing around on the piano with Quinn, who he’d found was a surprisingly good pianist. Suddenly, Coldplay’s _Viva la Vida_ started playing. In a hurried mess, Kurt pounced for his bag, vaguely aware of the room going quiet around him. Pressing the call button on his mobile, he tried to calm down. Tried. 

 “Hunter?!”

“ _Oh hun…”_ It wasn’t Hunter. It was Aunt Lisa. _That didn’t mean anything…Right?_

“He’s not… He’s didn’t…right?” A mirthless huff of breath from the speaker did little to reassure him. It was the kind someone took when they had no energy left to cry and sob. A sprinkle of tears trickled down his face. 

“ _He’s in the hospital at the moment. The doc said that he’ll make a fine recovery, but they’re keeping him for a few days, to keep an eye on him.”_ She didn’t say why he was in hospital but he didn’t need to be told. Everyone had noticed how distant Hunter had been the last few months, it’d been there, building to something like this. 

“How did he do it?” 

“ _No, boo. I’m not going to let you marinate on this for longer than need be. I know that when you get home Burt’s going to talk to you and see what you think about coming up here for a little bit. We both know how close you two boys are.”_ They were both silent for a few seconds, just taking comfort in someone else knowing and going through the same thing. Kurt and Hunter had been close since they were little, growing up relatively close to each other and being around the same age. 

“You probably have things to do… I’ll talk to dad when I get home, though I’m definitely coming up soon. Promise.” 

“ _Oh, I know you will hun. Ok, I’ll go now, but first, are you near anyone now? That Glee Club maybe? I don’t want you to be alone right now, with all this going on.”_

_“_ It’s okay, Aunt Lisa, they’re all here. I’ll be fine to get home and all that. See you very soon…”

“ _Bye, Kurt.”_

He didn’t look up to face the rest of the club, instead curling up in one of the many plastic chairs, putting his face in his lap and letting out a shaky breath. Strong arms came around his slight form, steady and warm in the cold seas of what he’d just learnt. 

That day, Puck had been there for him in a way that he would be eternally grateful for. Sure, the rest of the club and all his friends had been supportive and tried to be helpful, but none of them really made an effort to make sure he was alright. 

After the call, Kurt held off crying like he really wanted to and emptily excused himself from practice. When Burt returned home that afternoon, worried for his son, he found him curled up on the couch in Puck’s arms. With the current situation, he let them be, just placing a blanket over them and going to the kitchen. 

In the morning, it’s somehow a Saturday, so they sit in front of the TV all day and talk about mundane topics and their families and the future. When Puck has to leave, later that afternoon, they hug, and there’s a whisper in Kurt’s ear. A sentence which he holds dear.

_“Call me Noah, Kurtie.”_

 

A few months after Hunter’s attempts, the family is healing and normal again, yet Hunter has become reckless with himself, worrying everyone and scaring Kurt. At McKinley, the dumpster throws had becoming worse and the insults more bitter. Kurt had been in the kitchen, slicing up vegetables for a salad when he had slipped and cut his hand. It hadn't felt good, it had hurt - _stung_ \- but it was controlled by him, and that had triggered a routine of cutting himself, in the bathroom mainly, sometimes with the kitchen knife, sometimes with a razor, it didn't matter. Then his dad started spending a lot more time with Carole and the stressed pushed him too far.

 

The first time he tried had been on a Saturday. Carole and Burt had gone to the movies, and Finn had invited Puck over. They were busy in the lounge room, shooting zombies and soldiers alike. He hadn't expected anyone to find him or stop him.

_The knife gleamed under the bedroom light, casting strange shadows onto the wall behind him. 'They'll never have to worry about me again' he thought. Bringing the blade up to his arm, across the veins, he took a shaking breath. 'I can do this, I can do this,' he chanted in his head._

_The door to the bedroom slammed open._ " _Hey Kurt, do yo-," whatever Puck had been trying to say was cut off as he took in the demeanour of the boy in front of him. Before Kurt can fully realise what has happened, he feels the knife quickly taken away and strong arms surrounding him as he begins to sob, for the shock of what just happened to sink in, that he had been so close, and the thought of how he would have missed everything, so, so much. The sharp intake of breath from the doorway, and the second pair of arms that come around his back let him know that Finn has arrived and grasped the situation._

_When neither boy leaves his side for weeks at school, no-one questions it, because they see the way Puck and Finn's eyes shine protectively._

 

The second time, he knew he wouldn't go through with it, but it was strangely calming and gave him closure. He puts the knife down and calls his cousin Hunter, who had been visiting someone he knew in Westerville. The hug he received half an hour later, as Hunter whispered words of relief and love, he couldn't have felt more at peace with himself. They talk for hours after that, and laugh and cry (well, Kurt cries) and they nurture the bond they’ve held strong for years.

 

Then, Kurt started dating Blaine, and Sebastian had happened, and that stuck with him all this time. Of course, there had been much more to the story, there always was. After Scandals, he hadn't driven straight home, too shocked to do so. When Sebastian left the building, spotting Kurt still there, he had to say something, the damn meerkat, but that brought him peace as well.

_Sebastian left the building to call a taxi after the disappointing night. Spotting Kurt still there, he had opened his mouth to fire of a smartass remark, when he saw the tears that stained his ‘enemy’s face. Despite his douche-y appearance, he wasn’t really one to kick someone when they were already down. The car door was open with Kurt sitting in the driver’s seat, facing outside with his head hung. As he approached, Kurt kept his head hung, but seemed to stiffen minutely._

_“What, Sebastian?” His voice was scratchy at best, and they both winced. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”_

_Sebastian sighed. “Are you alright, Hummel?” He lowered his voice, as though near a wounded animal. “No, you’re not, don’t answer that.”_

_“I… He…” It took a few minutes, but Kurt managed to get out the story of what had happened. They were both silent for a few minutes. Eventually, he stepped forward into Kurt’s personal space and pulled him onto his feet. “Come on, I’m not gonna let you drive like this. I’ll take you home.”_

_After that day, they formed a tentative friendship through texts, short coffee dates and their shared dry humour. Of course, no one knew about it, but it was just for them._

 

After all that, Kurt had experienced dark, cold places, the trials of grief and worry and had learned to heal and recuperate with the help of his now dearest friends. He knows now that if he ever feels down or like he’s relapsing, he can call or meet with Hunter, Noah or Sebastian. And really, that’s all he needs.


End file.
